Coopins

Anybody cut coupons? If you don't you should, especially if your grocery store or super-center doubles or triples coupons. I am just learning how to do this effectively. I use Sunday newspaper coupons and Internet coupons.

I just got back from the grocery store and I got $180 worth of groceries for $108. My store has a 20 coupon limit so I cherry-pick my coupons to buy only things I need. It does take time to get a system, I'm learning. I think the best way to do this may be to get the stores weekly specials sheet and see if I have a coupon for whats already on sale. This trip I got several things for free or for like 9 cents.

Also, I should mention that I have to go to the grocery store at like 5am because it takes a little extra time to shop this way and I have to be home by 7am. It may be that lots of you don't have the time to do this, but if you do you should give it a try... I had to do something because groceries eat 25% of our pay (that is not an exagerration, it's unfortunately and outrageously true.)

BATTLE BATTLE! ...or...Soy un perdedor

I just lost a 2.5 hour battle of wills with an almost-two year old. I have a migraine. She has a blanky. I have yet to get her to eat one bite of food all day or anything to drink since D...we... gave her "Hot Chocky" before breakfast. I finally gave her the blanky anyway because I was starting to visualize violent scenarios. At least she naps well...

say what?

As you may or may not know, the New Yorker has in every issue a caption contest which invites readers to write their own captions for a cartoon. A winner is selected, fanfares are sounded, etc. Because I'm a dirty thief I've decided to steal this idea. I'll try to do it once a week if there seems to be any interest.

Try this one on for size:

Come on people now...

I KNOW you have something to say. You have a day you want to tell us about. Something you heard, maybe? A jerk to rant about. Please post about something! Where's the weekly ranch update Foreman?

I am worried that the combination of "not enough time" and "I don't have anything interesting to say" is conspiring to keep people from posting. I have chronic foot-in-mouth disease, so help me out by posting. Every post you make saves me the embarassment of posting nonsense.

XOXOOXO

I am a happy well-rounded person...right?

When I grow up can I have a dog of my own? Since I am nearing 30 and not yet grown, I cannot help but wonder when I will be an adult. Here are some things going on with me lately. Please let me know whats wrong with me if you figure it out.

- I want a Puppy

- People repeatedly call our house for my husband and ask, "Is your father home?," or "I was calling for your dad."

- My Dad (D) has been telling me that "When you grow up you will have morals." (my personal favorite)

- I have developed a severe aversion to driving anywhere, especially with my kids.

Apparently I am an immoral child and there is no saving me.
A bad seed.
I might as well go with it.
Bring on the hookers and smack.

Used underwear? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

If anyone knows anyone who wants some gently worn bras in sizes 36F, 34G,and 36G please let me know. I am loathe to throw them away because they are so expensive. Some are pretty and some are practical and there is at least one sports bra.eaggie- Most diamonds are coated with the blood of a repressed people. This guy is willing to NOT buy you a diamond. I could hook you up with his number, what do you think???

okay, now, wait a second.

The scoop: There's a guy in my dorm who proposes to me on a daily basis...or at least he used to, until I finally agreed to be engaged to him indefinitely (this is a joke. I repeat, this is a joke. Elisa Welder is NOT getting married any time soon). Here's the thing, though- I told him that one of my requirements is a diamond the size of Zaire, which is of course a product of the genetic predisposition to exaggeration I inherited from my dear father. He (the proposal guy) took it seriously and now says that he's in training to become a world-class diamond thief, since there are no diamonds the size of Zaire and he'll obviously just have to steal enough diamonds to make Zaire. I also told him a bit about the family and he's volunteered to take the last name Welder.

However, he's already been vetoed by DarthMom on the basis of his being a "pink-haired diamond thief" (the hair, in his defense, is a mohawk and is coming off at the end of the week). Mother, what do you mean by this ridiculous hair-ism? If we shunned people from the Welder family based solely on the color of their hair and NOT by the content of their character, Sarah would have been ousted a long time ago. ;)

Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage...

What did people do before there were gates to keep children out of dangerous areas/away from stairs? Maybe it's just because I gave birth to an insane daredevil, but I cannot do with out gates.

River is obsessed with climbing the three stairs she has access to and jumping off of them. She also likes to drag a chair to the top of the stairs and slide toys down the bannister. I took away the chairs, so now she makes a rickety tower out of toys and climbs to the top of it.

I heard a comedian the other day say that parents should drink because it makes being at home seems like mardi gras. Everybody is taking their top off and puking on each other and nobody can walk without falling down.

You're sooooo fired...

Seriously,
When hiring evil interim management, never hire a college student. They always think their "studying" is more important than their job. Anyway, I am back on the job, so people had better start paying attention again...Or else...
Sincerely,
The Lunatic Running the Asylum