It's not me... It's you...

So I know that it's really cruel to do this over the internet, but I am breaking up with you. I just feel like you aren't even there sometimes while I am talking. Maybe we'll meet again someday.


Seriously, the last straw was when our mascot was so embarrassed by our sad blob that he grew his hair out in an attempt to look like a different blob's mascot.

Eccentric Lazyland...

I know I'm weird.
I know you're weird.
There isn't a member of this family who isn't weird.
Here's your proof.
You have Welder blood or you CHOSE to marry a Welder.
I won't ask for a show hands, you know who you are.
I also won't ask which is more weird, that could open up some kind of quantum vortex.
What I will ask is:
What is one weird thing about you that we probably don't know? For those of you who are much to busty to participate, one sentence will do. You don't have to explain your weirdness. Just put it out there. I guess you can explain if you want to though...

Two things in the life of Elisa:

1. I took the GRE in English Literature today. I wouldn't recommend this to anyone who doesn't want their brain to feel like the gruel Oliver Twist requested a second helping of. Two-hundred and thirty questions, many of which weren't in modern English (we're expected to know Old and Middle English as well, the latter of which is slightly recognizable, the former not so much), which of course irritated me because my speciality is American Lit., none of which was written in anything but modern English. Well. Hawthorne and Melville might be exceptions, but they suck and therefore don't count.

2. After the GRE the roommate and I decided to lay out for three hours. We applied sunscreen (SPF 8, the highest number recognized by any female under the age of twenty-five; we seriously contemplated baby oil but couldn't find any) and proceeded to fall asleep in twenty minute increments (allowing for flip-time, of course). I already had a base tan so I thought, stupidly, that I would be fine. WRONG. My chest, back, lower stomach, and upper thighs (read: "butt") are all horrendously burnt. Do I care? Nope. I'll put on aloe vera to prevent peeling and relish in the joys of having an awesome tan in April. As the comedian Daniel Tosh says, "There's no depth to my shallowness."

Coopins

Anybody cut coupons? If you don't you should, especially if your grocery store or super-center doubles or triples coupons. I am just learning how to do this effectively. I use Sunday newspaper coupons and Internet coupons.

I just got back from the grocery store and I got $180 worth of groceries for $108. My store has a 20 coupon limit so I cherry-pick my coupons to buy only things I need. It does take time to get a system, I'm learning. I think the best way to do this may be to get the stores weekly specials sheet and see if I have a coupon for whats already on sale. This trip I got several things for free or for like 9 cents.

Also, I should mention that I have to go to the grocery store at like 5am because it takes a little extra time to shop this way and I have to be home by 7am. It may be that lots of you don't have the time to do this, but if you do you should give it a try... I had to do something because groceries eat 25% of our pay (that is not an exagerration, it's unfortunately and outrageously true.)

BATTLE BATTLE! ...or...Soy un perdedor

I just lost a 2.5 hour battle of wills with an almost-two year old. I have a migraine. She has a blanky. I have yet to get her to eat one bite of food all day or anything to drink since D...we... gave her "Hot Chocky" before breakfast. I finally gave her the blanky anyway because I was starting to visualize violent scenarios. At least she naps well...

say what?

As you may or may not know, the New Yorker has in every issue a caption contest which invites readers to write their own captions for a cartoon. A winner is selected, fanfares are sounded, etc. Because I'm a dirty thief I've decided to steal this idea. I'll try to do it once a week if there seems to be any interest.

Try this one on for size:

Come on people now...

I KNOW you have something to say. You have a day you want to tell us about. Something you heard, maybe? A jerk to rant about. Please post about something! Where's the weekly ranch update Foreman?

I am worried that the combination of "not enough time" and "I don't have anything interesting to say" is conspiring to keep people from posting. I have chronic foot-in-mouth disease, so help me out by posting. Every post you make saves me the embarassment of posting nonsense.

XOXOOXO

I am a happy well-rounded person...right?

When I grow up can I have a dog of my own? Since I am nearing 30 and not yet grown, I cannot help but wonder when I will be an adult. Here are some things going on with me lately. Please let me know whats wrong with me if you figure it out.

- I want a Puppy

- People repeatedly call our house for my husband and ask, "Is your father home?," or "I was calling for your dad."

- My Dad (D) has been telling me that "When you grow up you will have morals." (my personal favorite)

- I have developed a severe aversion to driving anywhere, especially with my kids.

Apparently I am an immoral child and there is no saving me.
A bad seed.
I might as well go with it.
Bring on the hookers and smack.

Used underwear? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

If anyone knows anyone who wants some gently worn bras in sizes 36F, 34G,and 36G please let me know. I am loathe to throw them away because they are so expensive. Some are pretty and some are practical and there is at least one sports bra.eaggie- Most diamonds are coated with the blood of a repressed people. This guy is willing to NOT buy you a diamond. I could hook you up with his number, what do you think???

okay, now, wait a second.

The scoop: There's a guy in my dorm who proposes to me on a daily basis...or at least he used to, until I finally agreed to be engaged to him indefinitely (this is a joke. I repeat, this is a joke. Elisa Welder is NOT getting married any time soon). Here's the thing, though- I told him that one of my requirements is a diamond the size of Zaire, which is of course a product of the genetic predisposition to exaggeration I inherited from my dear father. He (the proposal guy) took it seriously and now says that he's in training to become a world-class diamond thief, since there are no diamonds the size of Zaire and he'll obviously just have to steal enough diamonds to make Zaire. I also told him a bit about the family and he's volunteered to take the last name Welder.

However, he's already been vetoed by DarthMom on the basis of his being a "pink-haired diamond thief" (the hair, in his defense, is a mohawk and is coming off at the end of the week). Mother, what do you mean by this ridiculous hair-ism? If we shunned people from the Welder family based solely on the color of their hair and NOT by the content of their character, Sarah would have been ousted a long time ago. ;)

Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage...

What did people do before there were gates to keep children out of dangerous areas/away from stairs? Maybe it's just because I gave birth to an insane daredevil, but I cannot do with out gates.

River is obsessed with climbing the three stairs she has access to and jumping off of them. She also likes to drag a chair to the top of the stairs and slide toys down the bannister. I took away the chairs, so now she makes a rickety tower out of toys and climbs to the top of it.

I heard a comedian the other day say that parents should drink because it makes being at home seems like mardi gras. Everybody is taking their top off and puking on each other and nobody can walk without falling down.

You're sooooo fired...

Seriously,
When hiring evil interim management, never hire a college student. They always think their "studying" is more important than their job. Anyway, I am back on the job, so people had better start paying attention again...Or else...
Sincerely,
The Lunatic Running the Asylum

Tubular, Dude!

Saw this guy in my 'video of the day' box on my Google homepage. Those green things are its eyes; they can rotate 360 degrees to look all around through his TRANSPARENT skull. The things on the front of his face are his nostrils (or the equivalent thereof for fish) and mouth. You can read all about it here:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29387870/

Very cool/weird/kinda scary (I'm not really a big fan of fish unless they're fried and served with a wedge of lemon).

We're a rather well-read lot, right?

http://www.listology.com/content_show.cfm/content_id.22845/Books

I'm at forty-five...it should be forty-seven by the time I'm done with the semester.

It's a bit taxing to go through and count, but I'm curious as to see how many of these everyone has read, so consider it a contest or something.

Congratulations Leader!!!

It's not a job it's an Adventure!

I need a Volunteer to manage the blob for a week for me. Not that the blob needs a manager, or that any one would notice if it didn't change for a week, but... Please somebody volunteer anyway. It would be from the 25th on for about 7 days.

I could probably still do it, but I'll be on drugs and the posts/jokes/riddles might be a little weird or random and I certainly wouldn't want that.

If you still need convincing, think of the power! You could be Intergalatic Overlord of your own private Universe! Well, sort of... Think about it.

My brother the Guitar Hero

Life in Iraq...
keep looking
awesome Mink
blankets
flypaper
some sweet
cherry
paneling
Did I mention
he is living in
a shipping
container?
But he has a PS3
with guitar Hero
so it can't be all
bad...

Our first atoms (carbon in 3D glory)

I'm a wee-bit nerdy...

...but somehow I think that's okay in this crowd.

I was flipping through my copy of King Lear the other day and stumbled upon this gem:

Oswald: What dost thou know me for?

Kent:A knave, a rascal, an eater of broken meats; a base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited, hundred-pound, filthy worsted-stocking knave; a lily-livered, action-taking, whoreson, glass-gazing, superserviceable, finical rogue; one-trunk-inheriting slave; one that wouldst be a bawd in way of good service, and art nothing but the composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pander, and the son and heir of a mongrel bitch; one whom I will beat into clamorous whining if thou deniest the least syllable of thy addition.

Best Shakespearian insult? Perhaps.

What are some of your favorite insults? These can't be ones you thought of off the top of your head (we Welders are far too adept at such things), but must be from books, movies, plays, songs, etc. More Shakespeare is always welcome, as far as I'm concerned.

Riddle me this

Okay so I have been thinking about the riddle answers thing and I think that whoever comes up with the answer first should post it under the riddle along with their name. You can post your guess even if you are not sure and I will highlight the winner when the correct answer is posted.

We are on the honor system guys. I know everyone here knows how to google, so please follow your better instincts. If you must cheat, don't post your ill-gotten gains.

BTW, anyone can post a new riddle just add a new text box to a spot near the other riddles.

I dream in stereo

Still sick today, amusing myself by listening to music I haven't listened to in a long time, while I clean and try to amuse very bored toddlers. (Holy run-on)

I love lyrics. I am surprised at how many people who love music think lyrics are unimportant. When I was doing what Elisa is doing (taking lit courses) I was suprised that there was no focus at all on lyrics, even as poetry or prose. Maybe that has changed? E - Do you study lyrics at all?

I love certain songs, in genres I don't usually care for, just because of the word sequencing in them. And words really are the key aren't they? A beautifully strung sentence is like "buddah." Sometimes even when the writer can barely speak English.
Take this:

He's sickly cryptic, spitting that code
And most proud to present that Cruffiton mode
And it shows that they bros done seen a few sleights
Life throws scenarios, reality bites
We in collision with the beast
Lost we religion and we can't get no peace
Idiot weakhearts want to take I for chief
Stoop to their level and we plotting cold grief
(by roots manuva)

Post some of your favorite lyrics; especially from genres that aren't usually your "bag."

Snow News Day

This is the Star gate, taken last December. MsT went out and documented the occasion. Those of you from snow country will no doubt notice the green weeds and leaves on the trees.

In other news, MsT cooked a romantic dinner for four over at the Big House last night. Chinese Etoufe'. The girls were drinking Champagne and singing Bohemian songs. I went home early as I was ashamed of the way they were acting.

Not much else to report. The little dry spell we had is over. We had 2 3/8" of rain on Friday and another 3/4" yesterday. Four calves on the ground so far. I'll try to get out and take some pictures of the new arrivals.

myyy balogna has a first name...

Does anyone in this family (other than me, of course) have an opinion about the impending Academy Awards?

I, personally, will protest the Oscars for the rest of forever if Heath Ledger doesn't win for Best Supporting Actor, and I'd be pretty darn happy if Slumdog Millionaire won for Best Picture.

Thoughts?

Post This!

Please respond to my emails and join, people! I cannot add you as an author unless you join from the invite. When you are an author you can make posts!

After you are an author, become a follower! I want to have a high body count (for my ego.)

It's giving me the option to put ads on the blob, we don't want to do that right?

Duh...figured it out again...

"Big Red" working on his hoisting thesis.

Rubbing it in a bit...

All you Ags will appreciate this...this is the view I have out of my dorm room window today:

Yankees, go ahead and be jealous that it's a lovely eighty degrees out and I'm wearing a tank top and shorts and have the windows open. :)

Intergalactic Overlords!!!!

I see the snowbunnies are representing!!!!!!

Welcome Nell & Sally! What's going on in your world?
Sally please email me your address so I can make you an author (you can start new posts.)

Donde esta el Sagueros?

Hvor er det Sheas?

et al...

A sheep I suppose

My dear sister, thank you for the guilty email. I am now following. Will there be acid laced kool-aid at the end?

Tom Tom?

Is this my Dad? I'm not asking for a paternity evaluation, so let me re-state. My Dad is Tom. Do you see Tom in this picture? He swears it isn't him, but I wonder... Also, check out the caption that came with the photo.


"Photos by Michelle Christenson/Caller-Times Representatives from the Welder family, Helix and the city of Ingleside participate in a groundbreaking ceremony Thursday on the site of Helix Energy Solutions future pipe spooling facilities in Ingleside."

AVATARATAVA

Lets talk about the avatars I'm seeing so far...

Everyone is going to think Duncan is Gay for Farming with that awesome shirt on!

Anna better be careful cause Santa's been a little bit jittery since he got back from 'Nam.

Scott's at the beach...with beer...Now there's a suprise.

I sent out an email saying "Hey, don't delete my blog invite" I am thinking I may have to change my handle, though, if I want to sucker in more family members.

Tommy the Secret Agent

As I'm sure everybody already knows, My brother is a Secret Agent. You know, like Ted. I wanted to post his address so that yous guys can send him a letter or whatnot.

SPC Merlin Collins
Aco 3BSTB 1CD
FOB Marez
APO AE 09334


Seriously, I'll bet when it's not dangerous in Iraq, it's boring. Send him some fun, but no Pork or Porn. (Govt rules)

Scott! Inappropriate, sir.

Is there any way to, like, widen the boundaries of the posting space? You'd probably have to fiddle with the html but it'd make posting pictures a lot easier.

In the spirit of family-type pictures, here's one of Suzanne and me on Prekestolen:

My $0.02.

Hmm...work on pictures

I will have to mess with the pictures a bit. It seems to have cut out the back half...

--MM (the MonkeyMan)

I am the Gay Farmer Virgin Buster

Hmmm...how cum that doesn't sound right?

Anyway, thought I would try to break the ice and see if anyone else is willing to follow me into this abyss...

Going to add a picture of Anna's new rims (old car) just to see if this Blog doohicky works like a forum.

scott

Our new Blob - AKA -The Enrichment Center

Don't use this. It won't improve your life. It may even be harmful. Please don't use this blog, I'm begging.

"The Enrichment Center is committed to the well being of all participants. Cake and grief counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test. Thank you for helping us help you help us all."

Get it? You can use this blog to post something useful or something random; it's all fun no matter how you slice it!